NARCISSISM AND NARCISSISTIC, SYMPTOMS AND TREATMENT
WHAT IS NARCISSISM AND NARCISSISTIC
Apparently, it may seem an
annoying phenomenon due to the eccentricity with which it is surrounded, but if
you are not careful, you risk falling into abuse. This can become a source of
suffering for others, as well as, albeit unconsciously, of the subject in
question.
Let's talk in brief about “NARCISSISM AND NARCISSISTIC” following
topics will be covered in detail.
Topic index
Introduction to Narcissism
What is meant by narcissism?
Who are the narcissists?
Studies on narcissism
Definition of
"narcissistic abuse syndrome"
Scientific definition and
symptoms
Symptoms of Narcissistic
Abuse Syndrome
Victim and executioner in
Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome
Symptoms experienced by the
victim
How abusive narcissists work
Evolution of the
relationship
Consequences for the victim
Treatment of Narcissistic
Abuse Syndrome
How to help those who have
been abused?
Practical advice not to fall
into the trap of the narcissist
Introduction to Narcissism
What is meant by narcissism?
It
is a term that hides in itself a vast amount of meanings, based on the use that
you want to make of it.
Generally,
the term is used to describe a problem that a person experiences in
relationships with others, with himself or with his partner.
In
the field of everyday life, the term narcissism is often associated with
selfishness, vanity and conceit.
If
considered within a social group, he often wants to highlight an elitist or
indifference attitude towards others' condition, thought and point of view.
In
a purely psychological context, there are several stages, both to describe what
normal love for oneself should be, and the excessive and completely unhealthy
self-centeredness due to a strong perception of oneself.
Who
are the narcissists?
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These are people with a strong ego and with an excessive need for consideration and a need for admiration.
People with a narcissistic
personality structure is represented by 3% of the world population and are
mostly males than females.
Narcissists have the
profound conviction that they are superior to others and, therefore, have no
cure or interest in the feelings of others at all, regardless of whether they
are loved ones as family members or strangers.
Narcissists see people as
simple objects to use whenever they feel the urgent desire to satisfy their own
desires for narcissistic greatness.
Studies
on narcissism
According to a scholar, the first type of narcissism would be an intermediate phase between autoeroticism
and all eroticism, that is, an affective and sexual predisposition directed by a
subject towards other individuals from which he can derive pleasure and
satisfaction, in which the child it pushes all its erotic drive on itself
before diverting it to others.
At this stage, the first
sketch in a truly narcissistic sense of the ego begins to appear.
The second type of
narcissism, on the other hand, concerns adulthood and has as a unique point of
comparison the folding of every thought or drive on the ego.
After this premise,
correlated by appropriate studies, let us now turn to the problem of the
narcissistic abuse syndrome.
Definition of "Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome"
First, what do we mean when
we talk about “narcissistic abuse "?
It is defined as
narcissistic abuse syndrome or TDN (or narcissistic abuse trauma) or, in the
English equivalent, NVS (narcissistic victim syndrome), that particular psychic
condition that characterizes a subject who is in a relationship with a so-called
"affective manipulator".
According to some scholars,
it would be a post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
Specifically, this is a form
of thought control that uses a specific language created specifically to
emotionally deceive another individual, or the victim, in order to plagiarize
his mind for the satisfaction of the desires of those who abuse it.
Scientific
definition and symptoms
According to DSM-IV,
Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome can be ascribed to the category of personality
disorders.
According to this diagnostic
criterion, those who present a Narcissistic Personality Disorder have an absolute pervasive sense of grandeur and a need to feel admired since they are
characterized by a lack of empathy that usually appears within the first
adulthood.
This syndrome, according to
some seem to bring with it a kind of biochemical induced emotional dependence,
which in itself is sufficient to determine what are the symptoms due to an
abuse relationship.
Symptoms
of Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome
A famous American
psychotherapist spoke on this topic, who says that some typical characteristics
of the NAS can be:
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| WHAT IS NARCISSISM AND NARCISSISTIC |
- Sadness and despair;
- Hypervigilance, anxiety and agitation;
- Sudden mood swings, irritability, anger,
strong sense of shame, self-accusation and guilt;
- Mind in shock, denial and disbelief;
- General confusion and difficulty
concentrating;
- Sense of isolation and disconnection with the
outside world;
- Removal from one's family environment and
social group;
- Low functionality that often leads to the
loss of work, home and, in the most extreme cases, even of children.
Victim
and executioner in Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome
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| WHAT IS NARCISSISM AND NARCISSISTIC |
In these cases, there are
always two parts: the executioner and the victim.
The narcissistic partner
(executioner) seems to exhibit a dysfunctional behavior that leads to abuse of
his victim in a completely violent, brutal and devoid of any kind of
sensitivity. From what has been said it is clear that the second is a weak
person, who shows the strong need to feel considered.
- Executioner: narcissistic traits
- The executioner, who has narcissistic traits presents:
- A grand sense of importance;
- Fantasies of unlimited success;
- The belief of being special;
- Need for excessive admiration;
- The belief that everything is due to him;
- Manipulative behavior towards others for
their own purposes;
- Arrogant behaviors or attitudes.
The intent of the abusive
narcissists, therefore, is to take control of the mind of others.
The primary objective of
these subjects are, in fact, to totally dominate the thoughts and any type of need
or desire that roams the minds of others, with the intent to make people act as
if they were objects of their possession.
Victim:
traits and symptoms after abuse
Victim of the narcissist What
can be defined as the victim of the situation is as if she were therefore
attracted to a sort of spell, a fairy tale in which the subject in question
believes she has established a different relationship than usual, unique, in
which to feel considered, understood and also protected. And this does not
only happen in love relationships, but also in those of working or friendship
nature.
The person who falls into
the trap of an abusive narcissist strongly idealizes the subject he has at his
side since he needs basic security and the abuser does it, but unconsciously,
to increase his ego, to give nourishment to his brazen need to be admired.
To make the idea better, we
report below the thought of one of the victims of this abuse.
“His tender, penetrating
gaze rests on me and there is nothing around. It is a warm, languid, seductive
look made of implicit promises, of special happiness. Nobody can understand.
Nobody knows what I am experiencing and I was lucky enough to meet such a being.
And he chose me. Together we are what others will never understand.
"It is the abusive relationship
itself that causes the symptoms, not, or not always, only the pre-existing
characteristics in the victim, which should never be held accountable," said
by a doctor.
Symptoms
experienced by the victim
As psychotherapist states,
among the common symptoms manifested by victims after psychological abuse, we
have:
·
Anxiety;
·
Panic attacks;
·
Aggression towards oneself or towards others;
·
Food disorders;
·
Depression;
·
Insomnia;
·
Strong sense of guilt;
·
Lack of concentration
·
Sense of perennial tiredness;
·
Self-esteem of zero;
·
Obsessive-compulsive attitudes;
·
Fear of being alone;
·
Shame;
·
Chronic thoughts related to suicide / murder;
·
Memory loss;
·
Cognitive difficulties;
·
Horror and at the same time the sense of
guilt and reluctance to have loved a monster.
How
abusive narcissists work
But, in concrete terms, how
do these executioners manage to establish such dynamics? There are various ways
in which they sneakily creep into the minds of their victims. Between these:
- Questioning their sanity;
- By moving her away from their loved ones,
especially from the family;
- Making her feel her partner abandoned, to be
their only protectors;
- discrediting;
- Doubting their cognitive ability;
- Believing her incapable of making decisions;
- Neutralizing desires and needs so that it
dedicates itself exclusively to them;
- Making sure that the victim always finds a
justification for their narcissistic behavior;
- Totally changing the facts;
- Making sure that the victim has their
happiness as their only goal.
Evolution
of the relationship
The victim initially turns
out to be an essential resource for his executioner: he becomes the main source
of approvals.
But this illusion lasts very
little!
It's a bit like Cinderella's
tale: at midnight the carriage turns back into a pumpkin, the horses into mice
and the princess into a humble maid. And suddenly, like in a summer storm, a perfect relationship becomes a real hell!
The victim of the narcissistic person becomes the preferred target of his executioner and of his
negative judgment: he is devalued, not considered, denigrated, the
communication becomes confused or almost absent, which leaves the victim
completely destabilized; indifference hurts, isolation becomes a closure in
oneself, verbal attacks and, in some cases, even physical ones, the crowning of
the work.
The narcissistic abuse comes
to present itself as a real violation, a profanation of that natural naivety of
the psychic condition of the subject that he undergoes and of which he does not
realize, which assumes within the couple those connotations of naivety and
innocence on which the narcissist can play easy.
Consequences
for the victim of narcissism
All this brings with it
consequences to say the least devastating for the subject who suffers these
types of abuse, at the level of self-esteem, affecting and manipulating his
ability to think and penetrating like a worm in the deepest meanderings of his
mind:
These are just some of the
obsessive and recurring thoughts that grip the victim, related to skin rashes,
panic attacks and other symptoms.
Treatment of Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome
How
to help those who have been abused?
In order to be able to
define a subject as suffering from narcissistic abuse syndrome, the
psychotherapist psychologist must intervene, putting together all the pieces
of the puzzle that characterizes the patient's life in all its aspects.
In this sense, therefore,
psychotherapy is an essential weapon ( find out more about short strategic
therapy ). It is essential that the therapist manages to empathize with the
patient and make him understand that he is the "victim", exactly, the
victim of narcissistic abuse.
"The victim must come
to understand that this co-dependence" dance "requires two people:
the complacent who is busy and the receiver/controller (narcissist /
fanatic), together with the two partners" dance "in a perfect agreement,
and madness begins.
In order to diagnose a patient who is a victim of narcissistic abuse syndrome - NVS - the therapist
must first combine signs and symptoms, then access the patient's inner core as
this brings his personal history and opens up to therapy work. In this way, a therapist can see if the patient is experiencing the symptoms of Narcissistic
Abuse Syndrome (NVS) or a less "disabling" form of abuse.
It is important that the
therapist manages to remain firm in his composure because he must be fully
aware of the complexity of the disturbance and of the severe suffering it
brings, making it present both to the person who suffers from it and to those
who interface and interact with it.
In this sense, individual
psychotherapy can be useful so that patients who are victims of narcissism can
recognize their own narcissistic wound in order to free themselves from the
dynamics it triggers.
Practical advice not to fall into the trap of the narcissist
Since it is a serious
disorder and difficult to manage once you enter the tunnel, it is essential to
act from the base.
The
saying "Trust is good, not trusting is better" has a lot to teach: we
avoid giving trust in a sudden and reckless way to a person only because it
captures our attention. We always try to be careful, with our feet firmly on
the ground before embarking on a relationship that could become our worst
nightmare.
Pay
attention to the signs: sooner or later, anyone, even those who
are really able to hide their true nature, have moments of failure when they
show themselves for what they really are. So let's arm ourselves with patience
and learn to wait.
React:
Start taking care of yourself and focus on your self-love. It sounds simple to
say, but you still have to try and do it, saying "NOW IS ENOUGH"!
If we come across an
individual with the features just outlined, we must have the coldness and
readiness to be helped by a psychotherapist psychologist who has the skills and
the means, before he can finally take over all parts of us.
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